Last time Dorcas Cheng-Tozun was on the show, she joined me in sunny California to discuss the ins and outs of supporting an entrepreneurial spouse. Today, things are a bit different: Dorcas is in Nairobi, Kenya, sharing all about the big move and how moving overseas three times over the past decade inspired her book Start, Love, Repeat: How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World.
Dorcas is a woman who practices what she preaches. Like Tim Ferriss, she makes herself a guinea pig to test her hypotheses – and now she has an opportunity to test the principles from Start, Love, Repeat in the field.
Because with being an entrepreneurial – or the family member of an entrepreneur – comes distractions.
There’s so much going on and so many moving parts, and things like the work that needs to get done, taking care of your kids, housework, errands, and other activities can pull all of your focus.
But when you spend all of your time focusing on everything else, you can end up losing the touchpoints that a relationship needs in order to stay closely connected. And as that happens, questions and doubts about your relationship can slip into your mind.
So how do you come back from that or prevent yourself from getting to that place?
Critically, it’s important to recognize that “trust can be a choice.” You may not necessarily be feeling it in the moment, but if you choose to act like you do and choose to continue sharing with them, those actions can actually reinforce your bond.
“Your behavior comes first, and then your mind, spirit, and soul can follow.”
If you don’t make the choice to try, it can be devastating to a relationship. Because as it turns out, the number one reason people get divorced isn’t actually infidelity or any big event – it’s because they give up; they feel like the spark is gone and they just stop investing in the relationship.
One of the first steps when we’re talking about maintaining intimacy is the recognition that it’s not going to happen by itself.
So listen empathetically and get to know one another. That’s how you’ll ultimately connect emotionally. Really, it’s impossible to overemphasize just how important that is – because you CAN make a choice to create the conditions that help develop intimacy!
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